Deadpool 2 Cable Say It Again
Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to go me here, one to get me home.
Wade Wilson: [looks at the camera] Well... that'southward just lazy writing.
Deadpool: [to Cablevision] You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bowwow!
Wade Wilson: With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'thou basically Hawkeye.
Deadpool: [fighting the Juggernaut] Hey, big guy, the sun'south getting existent depression.
Cable: Dubstep'due south for pussies!
Wade Wilson: Y'all're then dark. Are you certain you're not from the DC universe?
Weasel: And terminal simply non to the lowest degree... Peter.
Deadpool: Any power you lot wanna tell us about?
Peter: I don't... I don't take one. Um, I just saw the advertising.
Deadpool: No superpowers at all?
Peter: Uh, I have both type 1 and ii diabetes.
Deadpool: Ow! Oh!
Weasel: That'southward all the diabetes.
Deadpool: Right. Yeah, you got them all. If y'all observe a blazon iii, let u.s. know. Yeah. You're in.
Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] I hope nosotros sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
[Wade throws the spreader into the gunman'southward caput, killing him]
Wade Wilson: [turns on time-travel device] I'll be right back. We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
Firefist: Stay dorsum or Justin Bieber dies!
Deadpool: [to Negasonic Teenage Warhead] Ha! Justin Bieber. He called y'all Justin Bieber.
Blind Al: Heed to the pain. It'due south both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches the states who we are, Wade. Sometimes information technology'south so bad nosotros experience like nosotros're dying, but nosotros can't actually alive until we dice a piddling, can we?
Cable: Relax, I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Weasel: Information technology'due south a god-damn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bowwow! The difference is night and mean solar day.
Firefist: [trying to go the collar off of Deadpool's neck] We need a code.
Domino: Try, uh... seven?
Deadpool: Settle down, Captain Lucky, it's not gonna be one number.
[Firefist presses the number 7 and unlocks the collar]
Deadpool: God, that'southward lazy writing.
Deadpool: Any powers you wanna tell us about? Any, uh...
Peter: No. I don't accept one. Um, I just saw the advertizement. I thought information technology looked fun.
Deadpool: ...You're in.
Dopinder: [in the background, throws a box of supplies] FUCK!
Cablevision: You remind me of my wife.
Wade Wilson: I'm pitiful?
Cable: I said you remind me...
Wade Wilson: No, I'thousand sad that y'all said that while making heavy centre contact and applying lip balm.
Deadpool: Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.
Deadpool: I don't speak Cantonese, Mr...
[looks at card, then tosses information technology]
Deadpool: Well, I'm non fifty-fifty going to attempt that. But I did have 8th grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to: I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker.
Deadpool: So, what exactly do y'all do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?
Cable: Yeah, something similar that.
Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet l years from at present we'll be bestest buddies.
Cable: Fifty years from at present you'll be very expressionless. Your entire generation will fuck this planet into a coma.
Deadpool: Boom!
[makes exploding audio]
Deadpool: Spoiler alert. Ha ha! Ah, planets.
Domino: [whispers to herself] Next time Uber.
Cablevision: Hither's a spoiler alert. You lot're not a fucking hero. You're just an abrasive clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Deadpool: Well, I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he'due south gonna know what real love is.
Cablevision: Considering of yous, I'll ever know what a grown man with babe balls looks like.
Deadpool: I'1000 a grower, not a shower.
Domino: I should've finished college.
Wade Wilson: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel: An ocean is h2o.
Domino: They're headed into the tunnel.
Deadpool: I'thou that kid's only hope, then sit tight and await for my give-and-take.
Domino: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'k dropping in.
Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
Deadpool: No, nosotros are almost certainly not fucked.
Deadpool: Seriously, I don't go it! What, y'all shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to pic. And certainly not very cinematic. I hateful, luck? What coked-out, drinking glass piping-sucking freakshow comic book creative person came upwardly with that piffling chestnut? Probably a guy who tin't describe anxiety!
Wade Wilson: Is it just me or does Do You lot Wanna Build a Snowman from Frozen audio suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl.
[singing]
Wade Wilson: Papa, tin can yous hear me?
[normal voice]
Wade Wilson: And nobody fucking realizes information technology.
Deadpool: [while "dying"] Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful brilliant light? There it is.
[dramatic pause]
Deadpool: Oh, that'southward the sun. Don't stare straight into that.
Deadpool: Fuck information technology. Superhero landing comin' up.
[jumps out of edifice and lands on knees]
Deadpool: Ooh! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That is *so* non practical.
[from trailer]
Cable: I was born into war, bred into it. People retrieve they sympathize pain, only they have no concept of it. What's the most pain yous've always felt? Perchance the kind that leaves y'all more machine than man.
Deadpool: [halts trailer] Wait, no, STOP! What in the bodily ass? Dale! Why, why are the visual effects not done? It's a metal arm! Information technology'due south not similar nosotros're trying to remove a mustache! Oh fuck it, I'll do it myself...
Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We demand to build a fucking team. Nosotros demand 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can bear this franchise 10-12 years.
Dopinder: My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool: Non now, Dopinder.
Deadpool: I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." Only that'southward where yous'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or non, Deadpool 2 is a family unit film. Truthful story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
Cable: There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool: Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a offset time for everything,son." Requite me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
[cuts down one bullet then gets riddled by more than bullets]
Deadpool: Those bullets were, similar, super fast.
Wade Wilson: Isn't that how it always works? Similar in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father? And accept consensual sex with their sis?
Vanessa: I remember y'all missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Wade Wilson: No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa: Baby, that'south Empire.
Peter: [putting balm on face] I don't know much most this Cablevision fella, but I guarantee you he hasn't killed equally many people as melanoma has.
[talking about Deadpool 2]
Wade Wilson: It lives up to the hype, *plus plus.*
Weasel: Fuck it. They probably won't even brand a 3.
Wade Wilson: Yeah, why would they? Stop at two, ya killed information technology!
[they both laugh]
Juggernaut: I'm gonna rip y'all in one-half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut matter to say!
Deadpool: Cable, you get back to your family and you tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, hope me one thing: that you'll commencement judging people not past the color of the skin but by the content of their character.
Cable: Jesus...
Deadpool: He'southward teamed up with the Juggernaut. The Juggernaut! That'south, like, my favorite Marvel graphic symbol ever, but you should never run into your heroes, because honestly, he'southward a flake of a dick! And like a lot of dicks, he'southward as difficult as a rock, and causes nothing but problems!
Deadpool: I don't know how to thank you, just I do know how to hug you.
Cable: No.
Deadpool: [gets closer to Cablevision] Yeah. Hither we get. Bring it in.
[hugging Cablevision]
Deadpool: Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There nosotros go, the kids phone call this docking.
[hears a knife open]
Deadpool: Is there a knife in my dick?
Cablevision: There'southward a pocketknife in your dick, yeah.
Cablevision: You're not a fuckin' hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Weasel: Come across Bedlam.
Deadpool: Cool name. Superpowers?
Bedlam: I can distort electrical fields. Including the ane within your brain, causing feet, defoliation, pain.
Deadpool: And then, basically, you're Dave Matthews.
[In Wade'southward dream]
Vanessa: Kiss me similar you miss me, Blood-red.
Wade Wilson: Well, come here.
[They share a long, passionate buss]
Wade Wilson: Don't fuck Elvis.
Vanessa: Don't fuck Colossus.
Wade Wilson: Wait, what?
[Wade gets pulled dorsum to the real world]
[after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing dorsum and look like toddler legs. Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on adjacent to Blind Al]
Weasel: Why wouldn't you cover that up?
Wade Wilson: A warrior has nothing to exist ashamed of.
Weasel: Yeah, just you practice. I hateful, wait at you, y'all're but straight shirt-cocking it? Toddler style?
Wade Wilson: Oh yes. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Bullheaded Al: The hell's happening? Describe information technology.
Wade Wilson: I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were yous.
Weasel: It's like, um...
Wade Wilson: Here we get.
Weasel: Information technology's similar he was giving nascence anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said "You know what? I'k done."
Wade Wilson: [to Blind Al] Happy?
Weasel: It'south like he'south a Muppet from the waist downward, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a cock the size of a...
[Dopinder comes in]
Dopinder: AH! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel: This has happened earlier?
[Dopinder starts gagging]
Weasel: Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind Al: Why couldn't God have my hearing?
Bullheaded Al: Sweetheart, can you speak up? It's a little difficult to hear you lot with that compassion-dick in your mouth.
Wade Wilson: George Michael was right. I'one thousand never gonna dance again. Fuck! He's dead, likewise. At least we nonetheless take Bowie.
Weasel: Yes, we still...
[looks over at Dopinder, he nods and winks at him]
Weasel: ... have Bowie.
Firefist: [in their jail cell] Tomorrow, we find the biggest guy in here... and we'll make him our bi...
[hears loud racket]
Firefist: What was that?
Wade Wilson: That is the biggest guy in here. Fun fact virtually the Water ice Box, no one'due south always seen it, they go on a monster in the basement. Right next to a
[looks at the camera]
Wade Wilson: huge, steaming brawl of foreshadowing.
Firefist: How do yous know what I desire?
Deadpool: Because I've been inside you lot. That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes, which is also off-putting.
Dopinder: I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.
Deadpool: Dopinder, you never end to surprise me. You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. Nosotros all need a sense of belonging. We all need a 18-carat sense of dwelling house, a place...
Dopinder: I want to become a contract killer.
Deadpool: I'thousand sorry, what did y'all say?
Dopinder: Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence?
Deadpool: Yeah, you kinda killed him.
Dopinder: And recollect the movie "Interview with the Vampire?"
Deadpool: Don't want to.
Dopinder: When Tom Cruise fed 10-twelvemonth-quondam Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. And she looked up at his smoothen, handsome face and said "I desire some more." Oh, Pool, motion-picture show me, a 10-twelvemonth-old Kirsten Dunst.
Deadpool: ...I'll never *not* pic that. Just I tin can't expect to never speak of this, as shortly as possible.
Firefist: What do you lot say nosotros go fuck some shit up?
Juggernaut: Let's Fuck Some Shit Up is my legal middle proper name.
Deadpool: What do you become when y'all take 8-feet of chrome, i pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, and a wheelbarrow of stage 4 cancer? Answer: A family. Come across? I didn't lie what kind of motion-picture show this was. If there'due south anything you take abroad today - other than the demand to google "what the fuck is dubstep" - it's that we all demand to belong to someone.
[Deadpool / Wade Wilson says his goodbyes to all those around him, and while "dying"]
Wade Wilson: I promise the Academy is watching.
Tenors,Basses: [singing] You tin can't stop him / Ah-ah-ah-ah / You tin can't stop this / Motherfucker!
Sopranos,Altos: [singing] Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs...
Deadpool: Equally a former X-Man...
Clamor: Trainee.
Deadpool: Thank you, Clamor. I was ever appalled by the blatant sexism in the group's proper noun. 10-Men? *Men*? The point is, our group will exist frontwards-thinking. Gender neutral. From now on, we'll be known as... 10-Forcefulness.
Domino: Isn't that a little derivative?
Deadpool: I don't call up asking your stance, Peter.
Peter: ...That wasn't me.
Cable: The name's Cable! From the future. Simply walk away.
Wade Wilson: Oh? So y'all're from the future? I have iii questions, then. 1: is dubstep all the same a affair? Two: which Sharknado are nosotros on? And 3: at what bespeak will the audition say "enough with the robotic arms"?
Deadpool: Oh shit, that fucking does information technology!
[pulls out guns]
Deadpool: Put your hands backside your knees and get down on your head at present!
Colossus: [charging at Juggernaut] Pick on someone your own size!
Deadpool: That's such a you matter to say. Become get 'em, tiger! Big CGI fight comin' up!
Buck: You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. According to the...
[pauses]
Wade Wilson: Kübler-Ross.
Buck: Yeh. According to the Kübler-Ross model, denial is merely one of the five stages of grief.
Wade Wilson: Jesus Christ, Cadet! No more than speaking lines for you.
[walks away from bar]
Wade Wilson: [to Cable] Is that a fanny pack? I used to accept one of those in nineteen-ninety-never.
Deadpool: And that's why "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" is pure pornography.
Dopinder: Wow!
Domino: I really should accept stayed in college...
[beginning lines]
Deadpool: Fuck Wolverine. Outset he rides my coattails with the R-rating, and then, that hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. What a dick. Well, guess what, Wolvie? I'm dying in this one, too.
[Weapon Eleven appears in front of Wolverine]
Wolverine: Wade, is that y'all?
[intermission]
Wolverine: I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you lot up.
[equally Wolverine extends his claws, Weapon XI is of a sudden shot in the head by Deadpool]
Deadpool: Hey, information technology's me! Don't scratch! Just cleaning upward the timelines! Look, somewhen, you're going to hang up the claws, and it'southward gonna make a lot of people very sad.
Wolverine: Huh?
Deadpool: But one twenty-four hour period, your erstwhile pal Wade'due south gonna ask you to get dorsum in the saddle again.
[shoots Weapon XI again twice]
Deadpool: And when he does, say yeah.
[continues to shoot Weapon XI]
Wolverine: Oh, correct.
[Deadpool waves at Wolverine while shooting Weapon XI and walking abroad]
Deadpool: [whispers] I love you.
Deadpool: Good news and bad news. Bad news is the whole squad is dead. The good news is I don't think anyone is gonna miss Shatterstar, he was a flake of a prick.
Deadpool: In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. In "Cool Runnings," information technology was when John Candy'southward prized bobsled broke. In "Human Centipede," it was when those people signed on to be in that picture show. But in this film, well, you're looking at it. Rock, meet Bottom.
Colossus: What are you lot doing?
Deadpool: My job. Yous're the i who said I was fix, and I frankly disagreed with you. Just here we are, trying to overcome our differences. Like Beyoncé says: please...
[puts his hand on Colossus' chest]
Deadpool: please stop adulterous on me.
[from trailer]
Deadpool: [dizzy from a large activeness sequence] Tell me they got that in slow-motion...
Deadpool: [to Peter] Go home, Carbohydrate Bear, become home.
Deadpool: [to Cablevision] Hands off that kid, John Conner!
Wade Wilson: ["Final words"] Woodpecker... Gingivitis... Cuntpop... Do you wanna build a snowman?
Deadpool: Say fuck for me. Just once. Come on, we'll do it together. It'south no big deal. Here we go, i-two-iii. Fu... fu...
Colossus: Fuck.
Deadpool: Wow. Enjoy hell, smut mouth.
Zeitgeist: I'm Zeitgeist.
Deadpool: Cool. I'd like to say you have the power to put your finger on the... pulse of social club?
Zeitgeist: No... No, I spit acidic vomit.
Deadpool: Oh.
Zeitgeist: You desire me to demonstrate?
Deadpool: No, thank you.
Weasel: We'll take your word for it.
Deadpool: Yes, listen, we've all eaten at Arby's. Okay?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: [Introducing Yukio to Wade] Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade.
[Yukio waves to Wade]
Wade Wilson: What the fuck knuckles is this?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: She'southward my girlfriend, you lot intolerant shit.
Wade Wilson: Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Flim-flam and Friends. I'm merely surprised anyone would engagement you, especially Pinkie Pie from My Niggling Pony.
[Winks to Yukio]
Yukio: I similar this guy.
Dopinder: I could be of nifty apply.
Wade Wilson: What's your superpower?
Dopinder: [thinks, then smiles] Courage.
Wade Wilson: That'south ambrosial.
Weasel: Do you have the courage to check and come across if at that place are enough sanitary napkins in the DISPENSER?
Dopinder: [quietly] Yes.
Fred Savage: Gotta adopt Marvel movies.
Deadpool: We are Marvel.
Fred Savage: Yeah, but you're, you know, Curiosity licensed by Fox. It'south kinda like if the Beatles were produced by Nickelback. Information technology's music, but it sucks.
Deadpool: You were nicer as a child!
Deadpool: Just once, I gonna to discover a planet where people are worse than me at everything, a whole bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go at that place and be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You lot close your goddamn trash rima oris!
Colossus: Nosotros accept rules. You are not judge, jury or executioner.
Deadpool: Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right, and sometimes yous gotta fight muddied.
Deadpool: Four or v moments. That'southward all information technology takes to be a hero. People think you wake upwards a hero, brush your teeth a hero, ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. But now, being a hero, information technology'due south merely a few moments. Few moments doing the ugly stuff no 1 else will do.
Deadpool: Tell me they got that in wearisome motion.
Deadpool: [Wishing for the Vanisher's rubber landing] Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see.
[the Vanisher hits electrical wires and gets electrocuted]
Deadpool: Really?
Wade Wilson: I'thou gonna go make dessert. You get the strap-on, and permit'due south brand a superbaby.
Vanessa: Pretty sure information technology doesn't work that way, but we tin can attempt.
Deadpool: [yelling at Colossus within the Xavier Constitute] You know what? Doing the correct matter is sometimes messy, and fucked upwardly, and non particularly user-friendly. And then, stay here in Chateau de Virgin while we go get our fuck on!
Deadpool: Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals.
Wade Wilson: Pitiful I'chiliad late. At that place was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree and I had to, uh...
Vanessa: Uh-uh.
Wade Wilson: You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too.
Vanessa: No.
Wade Wilson: You got me. I was rounding up all the gluten in the world and launching it into infinite where it can't not hurt us e'er once again.
Vanessa: Try again.
Wade Wilson: Diarrhea? Nosotros can't be sure until I become this suit off only, uh, all signs point to yep. Traffic? Hmm?
Vanessa: Buss me like you lot miss me, Red.
Deadpool: [Cable gets out a gun and Deadpool draws his swords] Gimme your best shot, One-Eyed Willie!
[Deadpool blocks the first bullet, so misses the rest]
Deadpool: ... Ow.
Colossus: Come quietly, or there will exist trouble.
Firefist: You stole that from Robocop!
Deadpool: That'due south from Robocop! Just stand downwards! You're embarrassing me.
Deadpool: [upon opening his anniversary souvenir from Vanessa] Oh, well that'due south... that's just the most... beautiful thing that I've- I don't know what this is.
Vanessa: My IUD.
Deadpool: ...A bomb?
Vanessa: No, dip-for-brains, my birth control device.
Weasel: [to Wade] Go home. You've been here for iii days, okay? You smell like somebody shit in a civil war wound after it'd become gangrenous. They should've just amputated it, why shit in information technology? Doesn't brand whatsoever sense.
Vanessa: Kids give us a chance of being amend than we used to be. He needs you.
Deadpool: [afterward being ripped in half by Juggernaut and failed to dissuade Russell from abandoning his mission] What's Juggernaut got that I don't got? Don't y'all say legs! I know you're gonna say legs!
Firefist: [flips Deadpool off] Legs!
Deadpool: Nevertheless hurts to hear out loud!
Deadpool: New plan: utilise all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable!
Domino: Where is he? I can't run across him.
Deadpool: He'south on top of you lot! He's going in through the back! OH GOD, HE'S INSIDE!
Domino: Yous hear yourself, right?
Deadpool: Accidental double entendres!
[Deadpool carries baby Hitler]
Deadpool: That's okay. Let me see here. Oh, gosh. That's why you're such a little bounder. No i's ever inverse you. Yeah, you got a large, old stinky in at that place, don't you? God, it smells similar Hitler'south anus, which... which would brand sense, wouldn't information technology? Yeah.
[places baby Hitler on weighing calibration]
Deadpool: I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, and then I'one thousand just gonna change your diaper real quick, and and then I'grand gonna come back with my friend Cable. He loves killing kids.
Wade Wilson: The asshole who killed Vanessa got away.
Colossus: Wade, whoever they are, we'll track them down, and bring them to justice.
Wade Wilson: It was me. I'm the asshole who got away. I've killed every last one of them, except me. I couldn't kill me.
[Wade starts breaking down]
Wade Wilson: We were going to kickoff a family. We were, uh... We were gonna be a family...
Colossus: Wade, Vanessa is gone. She'south not coming dorsum. This might not be the family unit you want, but it'southward the family you need. You lot have a good heart. It belongs hither, where it tin can grow.
Wade Wilson: What did you say? Virtually my center?
[Wade hugs Colossus]
Wade Wilson: I think I'k in the right place.
Vanessa: [to Wade Wilson] Y'all gotta pump a infant in me first, cowboy!
Deadpool: [to Domino] Zip it, blackness Black Widow!
Weasel: I'll tell y'all why I'm here. "The Fourth dimension Traveler'southward Wife'southward" husband beat me within an inch of my life. He was torturing me! But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. So, I'thousand hither to help u.s. set so we can go afterwards him without me.
Wade Wilson: Family was always an F-word to me. My pile-of-shit father took off and bailed. I hateful, it'due south not like I take a lot of stiff role models to draw off of for Todd.
Vanessa: Hey, await at me. You lot are not your father. Besides... I will never, e'er let our child exist named Todd.
Blind Al: Sweetheart, could you speak up? I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.
Deadpool: [Restored to full health afterward his collar bankrupt off] How-do-you-do, superpower.
Domino: Lady Luck, have the wheel.
Deadpool: Juggernaut! I should've worn the white pants!
[Colossus is reading a book when he hears music outside. He sees Deadpool playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" on his smartphone before covering his ears]
Deadpool: I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me. I took that trust... and turned information technology into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The i in Minneapolis. Y'all know the one.
[Colossus walks out of his room and looks at Deadpool]
Deadpool: But even you know I'm not a complete slice of shit! I was once an X-Man!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Trainee!
[Negasonic Teenage Warhead throws a food container at Deadpool, knocking the smartphone off his hand. Deadpool turns around and picks up the container]
Deadpool: You lot're yet using my Velcro labels. Aw.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: They practise stick better than record.
Yukio: [waving at Deadpool] Hello Wade!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Delight don't.
Colossus: Say whatsoever it is you're here to say. Make it quick.
Deadpool: Right. Quick. Information technology'south the kid. But like you lot, I let him down. And just like me, he'due south never had anyone cede annihilation for him because the whole world wrote him off as a piece of shit a long time ago. Look, he'due south teamed upward with the Juggernaut!
[gasps]
Deadpool: The Juggernaut! Who's, like, my favorite Curiosity character ever-
[looks at Yukio]
Deadpool: And hi Yukio! That was really squeamish of yous to say hi, and then I'1000 gonna say hi dorsum. Y'all guys make a super cute couple. Yes. Where was I?
[looks back at Colossus]
Deadpool: Oh, yes. Y'all should never meet your heroes because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like most dicks, he'due south difficult equally a rock and causes nix just problems! Wait, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can!
Colossus: Do you lot know what would happen to me if I helped you? I would be disgraced. You are a criminal, a fugitive. Simply worst of all, you bankrupt my heart, Wade.
Deadpool: Then, you know what? Your heart'due south in the wrong place, large guy. Doing the correct thing is sometimes messy and fucked upward, and non especially convenient! And then stay hither in Chateau de Virgin while we become go our fuck on!
Deadpool: Rules were meant to be broken!
Colossus: That'due south the exact contrary of what they're meant for!
Headmaster: All yous muddied mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy! Your souls are across redemption!
Cable: [pulls out a knife] Let'due south see YOUR soul, perv!
Deadpool: No! No! No! No more than! We're meliorate than that! Nosotros're ameliorate than him! No more than senseless violence, no more bloodshed! We'll let karma have care of him.
Headmaster: The day of reckoning is here!
[Dopinder runs over the headmaster in his taxi]
Deadpool: I'yard gonna miss him. He seemed great.
Dopinder: WHOO! Courage, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Deadpool: ...And karma, motherfucker.
Cable: [referring to the headmaster, who is trying to escape Russell] He even runs like a fucking pervert.
Wade Wilson: yeah - an internet predator who lost his laptop.
Weasel: I'm gonna stop yous right at that place cause I'm non gonna make it to two. I won't even brand it to ane. I don't do well with pain, y'all know. I stub my toe I'thousand... done for the mean solar day. I cried when they cancelled Felicity. When I get actually scared I get nervous erections. I have i right now. Don't expect, information technology'll just make information technology worse. I don't want you lot to hurt me and I'll tell you lot annihilation, annihilation you wanna know... except for where they are.
[Deadpool sneaks into a maternity ward and approaches ane of the babies]
Deadpool: Male child, howdy. Hi. This is a toughie. Yeesh. Oh, yeah. You're already practicing your trivial salute, huh? Yes, yous are. Well, we'll take care of that, won't nosotros?
[turns around]
Deadpool: Jesus Christ! This is and so much tougher than I thought. Oh-ho.
[faces the baby once again]
Deadpool: Oh, I'm going to hell.
[points at babe]
Deadpool: That makes 2 of us.
[places his hands on his head while walking in circles]
Deadpool: You can practise this.
[looks at baby again while waving his arms back and forth]
Deadpool: This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. All right.
[cracks knuckles and sighs. Baby'southward crib is labeled 'A. Hitler - 20 Apr 1889']
Deadpool: Maximum attempt.
[gain to grab baby]
Colossus: [chuckling] We should go before Fuckernaut wakes upwardly.
Colossus: Wade! What was the starting time dominion?
Deadpool: Label everything in the refrigerator!
Juggernaut: [to Colossus] I'thousand gonna melt you down and brand a cock ring.
[before the Ten-Strength skydive]
Peter: Is anybody nervous well-nigh the high winds?
Deadpool: Gary...
Peter: My name'south Peter.
Deadpool: I realize that yous're new to this, simply relax. You've been chosen by a higher power.
Domino: Did he just call himself God?
Clamor: I think he did.
Peter: I'd like to go home.
Deadpool: And I'd similar the McRib to be available yr round, but sometimes dreams don't come true! I spent ten years in Special Forces! Yous think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a low-cal breeze? Y'all'RE IN THIS SHIT NOW, MUSTACHE!
Deadpool: [whispers to Peter] I'thou only yelling to impress the other guys. I'd never permit annihilation happen to y'all, sugar-bear.
Firefist: Stay dorsum! Go abode, Wade!
Deadpool: Let'due south talk. It doesn't accept to go this fashion! That piece of shit, he deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt yous desperately. Makes you wanna hurt others. But if you kill him, he wins. You go everything he says you are, just worse. Y'all're only a kid. Yous don't wanna hurt anyone.
Firefist: How do you know what I want?
Deadpool: Because I've been inside you!... That came out wrong. I've been within your shoes... which is too off-putting. The point is... in that location are people, in that location are people in this stupid world, besides him, who will treat you correct.
Deadpool: Dandy... a bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. Tin I take one of those guns?
Cablevision: No.
Deadpool: That's fine. I'thousand simply gonna use this brick. Maximum effort.
Cablevision: Why are you protecting the kid?
Deadpool: I don't requite a fuck most him and his Are Y'all My Mother complex!
Firefist: Damn, it feels proficient to be a gangsta!
Firefist: [to Sluggo] You're virtually to go dick-slapped!
[During a Sicilian mafia funeral, Deadpool breaks out of the bury and shoots at the mob]
Deadpool: Whoo! Practise not go in there!
Deadpool: [to prison goon] What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation?
Cable: [speaking about his ex-wife] She always struggled. She was funny... filtered her hurting through the prism of humor. Something I could never master.
Wade Wilson: What, we're no longer accepting applications for X-forcefulness, unfortunately. Even if we were... in that location's a wind advisory in effect until at to the lowest degree...
Deadpool: Shhhh! Shhh...
[whispers to bartender ducking backside bar later on gun fire ceases]
Deadpool: I'll accept a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. I know information technology'due south chosen a Sea Breeze. Don't make me say it.
Juggernaut: I'yard gonna shove that cab driver right upward your ass.
Dopinder: My body and my hands are so soft.
Spoilers
The quote items below may requite away of import plot points.
[terminal lines]
Ryan Reynolds: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] Y'all're in the big leagues now, child!
[claret splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face up with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.
[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled dorsum in time to save him]
Deadpool: Y'all fourth dimension-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What almost your girl and your wife?
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you lot did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'g positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, yous did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
[flips money]
Deadpool: I'm not fifty-fifty gonna look because yous did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did information technology for me.
Cable: Jesus.
[subsequently Shatterstar is killed by landing on the spinning propellers on a helicopter]
Deadpool: Well, I guess nosotros found something you're not amend at.
Deadpool: [to Vanessa subsequently traveling back in fourth dimension to salvage her] We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
[Deadpool travels dorsum to the moment before Peter is killed]
Deadpool: Peter!
Peter: Whoo! X-Force!
Deadpool: Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter: Merely we're X-Force!
Deadpool: Nope! We're not. Ten-Force is just a marketing tool designed by Fox executives to keep Josh Brolin employed. It doesn't be.
Peter: All correct, well, this has been pretty scary! And I need to feed my cat!
Deadpool: Go home, Sugarbear. Go abode.
Peter: Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
[after Dopinder kills the headmaster by running him over with his taxi]
Dopinder: [intensely] I want some more.
Deadpool: I bet you do, Dark-brown Panther.
[Colossus charges at Juggernaut]
Deadpool: Go get 'em, tiger! Big CGI fight comin' upward!
Deadpool: [Juggernaut comes out of a pile of rubble] Oh my God! Juggernaut! I thought that was you! I should've worn my white pants.
Wolverine: [Upon seeing the newly transformed Deadpool/Weapon XI] Wade, is that you lot?
[Wade does not answer]
Wolverine: I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up
[unsheates his claws]
Wolverine: .
[Suddenly Deadpool/Weapon XI is shot in the head by someone who is so revealed to exist the electric current, fourth dimension-traveling Deadpool]
Deadpool: Hey! Information technology's me! Don't scratch! Just tidying up the timeline.
[Deadpool shoots the old Deadpool several more times before walking away]
Deadpool: [to Wolverine] Honey you.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5463162/quotes/qt3970191
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